That was a good one, but I've definitely heard it before. But it did remind me of a joke I heard in college. But remember that I went to an engineering college and that's where this comes from:

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"
"Are you sure?" asked the second atom.
The first atom replied, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Oh freak, that's genius.

here's a chuck norris joke that me and my dad both really like...

Chuck Norris is so beastly, that when he jumps in the pool he doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norris!

this blog has officially been owned.

Haha! That's awesome Alec!

Okay, here you go. This is great if you do these real quick from up in front of a crowd of students:

What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with only two legs?
-Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs?
-Tri Tip.

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbwire fence?
-Udder Desctruction.

Ha... okay... Alec opened the door to Chuck Norris jokes. One of my favorites: Chuck Norris can beat Connect Four... in three moves!

three of my favorites-

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa."

Last night I dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings… I was Tolkien in my sleep.

A baby seal walks into a club...

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

What's Mario's (from Super Mario Brothers video game) overalls made from? Denim Denim Denim (done to the tune of the song from game)

What'd the cow say to the farmer? Nothing! Cows don't talk silly!

Since we're going down the Chuck Norris route here is my favorite: Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Here's one my buddy told me recently:

What did Spock find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?

The Captain's Log!

what is green with wheels?

grass... i lied about the wheels


waht kind of key opens a banana?

a monkey

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter!

Ok, as for the Chuck Norris....

Did you know that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

Another dumb joke...

Do you know there where 5 constapated men in the Bible?
1.) Cain, he wasn't able.
2.) Moses, he took two tablets.
3.) Solomon, he sat for 40 years.
4.) Samson, he brought the house down.
5.) Balaam, he couldn't move his...

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

For the Church Norris fans-

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. (New theology?)

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Walker, Texas Ranger marathon on Satellite TV.

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted!

Did you hear the one about the jump rope? Skip it.

How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it.

Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils?

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto

Did you hear that a boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other?
Apparently the crew were marooned.

Pessimist: Things are horrible. Everything is falling apart. Things can't get any worse.
Optimist: Yes they can!

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
Roamin' Catholic.

Famous last words of a mafia hit man: "Who put a violin in the violin case?"

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some chap stick and put it on my bill."

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.

What is long, brown and runs around the garden?
A fence.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish

Thanks for the jokes! My four year old granddaughter has just enter the silly joke stage and I was looking for some good ones. I found a few gems on your page.

Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajama's to Bed.

The first time I heard this I cracked up soo much because it was that dumb.

Ask me if I'm and orange???

are you and Orange??

NOOoo

how did simba beat nalla in a race? (from the lion king)
he MUFASSA!

cool site. Here's one my daughter told me yesterday:

Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?


The Outside!

Why did the elephant wear tennies?

Because Nineys were too small,
and elevenies were to big!!

1)Question:How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?
Answer:Open up the door and put it in

2)Question:How do you get a giraffe in the refrigerator?
Person's response:open up the door and put it in.
Answer:No you have to take the elephant out first

3)Question:Lion King has a meeting of all the forest animals and one isn't there. Which one isn't there?
Answer:The giraffe because you put him in the refrigerator

What did one plate say to another?

Dinner's on me!

what did the brown chick say to the brown cow?
brown-chicka brown-cow!

James Pond

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?



It's two tired.

(The Frank Eifler Memorial dumb joke.)

my jokes i have 3

#1
There are 5 fish in a tank and 4 of them drown how many are left?

5 casue fish can't drown.
hahaha...




#2
3 women are about to be executed. one is blonde, another is brunette, and the last is a redhead.guard brings to bunette forward and the killer askes if she has any last requests. she says no and the killer yells "READY!AIM!" and then the brunette yells "EARTH QUAKE" everyone runs for cover while she escapes. Then the guard brings the Redhead forward and the killer asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the killer yells"READY!AIM!" and the rehead yells"TORNADO." Everyone ducks and runs for cover while she escapes. Now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings the blonde forward and the killer asks if she has any last requests. She says no so the killer shouts "READY!AIM!" and the blonde yells"FIRE!"
l0ll. I found tht one hilarious.

#3
what is the first letter of yellow.

"y"

i just wanted to know.
hehe.

hardity har har(did i spell that right?)

What is the capital of Djibouti?

Shake shake shake.

Shake shake shake. Shake your bootie.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?

my favorite chuck norris joke....

Chuck Norris can watch 60 minutes in only half an hour.

hahah that is so not funny♥

My favorite dumb joke:

Two cows were talking and the first cow says "hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease" and the second cow says "I'm not worried, I'm a Buick !"

ok how many steps does it take to put and elephant that can fit in a fridge?
three 1.open the door2.put the elephant in3.close the door...
how many steps does it take to put a girffe in the fridge?
four 1.open the door 2. take out the elephant 3. put in the girffe 4. close the door duh...
ya lol so di du hear about the forest fire? omg it was really bad i wonder what animal is most likely to survie.... well its clearly the girffe cuz its still in the fridge duh! lol its funny right and now ur smiling see i can see u through the screen hahaha

What did Saddam Hussain say before he was hanged?

"Now just Kuwait a minute!"

hey whats up???

the sky

here's MY favorite jokes:

A rhino was the result of a one-night stand between Chuck Norris and a hippo
lol

What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't accept your kind around here." the mushroom says, "what? I'm a fun guy!"

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
He got gaught with seeweed.

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
because if they lived by the bay they'd be called bay-gulls

why is the ocean blue???
cause the fishes go "blu,blu,blu"
get it, lol
if u dont well too bad :p

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

what's grey and not there?

no elephants.

Q: What did the driver say to the putter?
A: Let's go Clubbin!

1)

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

2)

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Hey barkeep, I'll have a gin and...[looks around, then at watch, maybe whistles a little or taps foot aimlessly]...tonic."

The bartender says, "O--K...but what's with the big pause?"

[Hold hands up, shaking them with alarm/annoyance} "I'M A BEARRRR!"

3)

What do you call a stillbirth in a hippie commune?

A midwife crisis.

4)

What do you call a track meet for cross-dressers?

A drag race.

5)

What's the difference between hungry and full?

Ate.

i have a joke..

Do you have any holes in your socks ?
then how did you get your feet in ? :P funnnny

I use this one on the kids when I cut their hair.

What kind of flower is on your face?
Tulips!!

1---There were three women walking along a sidewalk. There was 1 blonde, 1 brunette, and 1 redhead. An apple dropped out of nowhere and hit the redhead on the head. She said, "OWW!" An orange dropped out of nowhere and hit the brunette on the head. She said "OWWW!" A bomb dropped out of nowhere, but missed the blonde and fell behind her. When it exploded, she said, "NO WONDER WHY EVERYONE CALLS THEM SILENT, BUT DEADLY!!!"

2---A blonde, red head, and a brunette where driving in a convertible when the car went off a cliff and landed in a river. The red hed and brunette swam on shore and waited for the blonde. After a few moments they where beginning to worry. Then finally the blonde came to the shore. They asked, "What took you do long" the blonde repiled: "I couldn't get the door open."

3---A man's sister has twins, a girl and a boy so he offers to go and register them, and when he gets to the register office he realized he didn't know what to name them. So he chose their name. Then he went home and told his sister that the girl was called 'denice', she said ok that's nice what about the boy? Oh he's called denephew!

4---What do you call a pig with a fork?

Pork.

wanna hear a dirty joke?


a horse fell in the mud

michale jackson, the pope, and a little boy walk into a bar

here we go
1. why'd the chicken cross the road
to get to your house
knock knock
whose there
the chicken

2. why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?
it was dead

3. Why is six afraid of seven?
because seven eight nine

4. a horse walks into the bar. the bartender says "why the long face"

5. why did the turtle cross the road?
to get to the shell station

6. what kind of guns do bees use?
beebee guns

*anyone wanna tell me more? there fun to say to friends

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, in a pile of leaves?
rustle

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, in the ocean?
bob

How many lemons can you fit in a lime?
NONE!

What do you call two men with no arms and legs above your window???


CURT N ROD

HI LYDIA

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an agnostic and an insomniac??

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there really IS a dog.

how much wood could a would chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck norris?

Alrighty,

A blonde and a redhead are walking down the road, a gang of squirles come up and attack the red head, the blonde crosses the street, she goes out in the middle of the road as a car came, she stood there and jumped out of the way just as the car was about to hit her. The redhead, well what was left of her, looked over and said, "well I guess that girl ain't no nutt... "

Two fish were in a tank. The first fish looked over at the second and said,

"do you know how to drive this thing?"

A pirate with a roll of paper towels on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's with the paper towels?" The pirate says, " Arr, I got a bounty on me head!"

why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?
-she wanted to rock and roll.

3 guys walked into a bar figured the second guy would have ducked

a pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender said"hey you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" the pirate said " aargh it's driving me nuts!"

So a drunk guy walks into a bar... and says oww.

If you travel upstream in a cannoe and your wheels fall off. How many puppies can youi fit in your dog house?

WRONG! ICE CREM HAS NO BONE!!!

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?


-Because she's a woman

A bear walks into a bar and the and says "I want a....................................beer" so the bartender says "What's with the big paws"

Q: Why do fish like to swim in salt water
A: If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze

Q: What did the mama buffalo say to her little boy when he left for the first day of school
A: Bison!

Q: Where does hamburger go to dance
A: The meat ball

Q: How does one hamburger introduce another hamburger?
A: Meet Patty

Q: What did the zero say to the 8
A: Nice belt!

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: Fssshh

Q: Why are elephants big rough gray and hairy?
A: Because if they were small, round, smooth and white they would be aspirin tablets

Q: What do you call an elephant in glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant

Q: What do you call a man that never passes gas in public?
A: A private tooter

Q: Why are there only 239 beans in a bag of beans?
A: Because one more would be too farty.

Q: Why are moon rocks tastier than earth rocks?
A: They're a little meteor.

A cannibal runs into another cannibal in the jungle and says "I don't feel so good I found two Catholic priests last week and I ate them and I've been ill ever since". The other cannibal asks "How did you cook them" to which the other cannibal says "I boiled them"
And the other cannibal says
"No wonder those were friars"

Q: How do blind sky divers know when they are about to hit the ground?

A: The dog leash goes slack

What is red and smells like blue paint...?

Red paint.....

where do you find a banana tree in the middle of a dessert?

In the middle of a dessert.


What do strawberrys and elephants have in common?

There both red, except for the elephant

awsome what do you call cheese thats not your cheese............... Nacho cheese (not-yo cheese)

ok heres one...
what one strawberry say to the other?
answer: if you were'nt so freshh we would'nt be in this jam right now.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros??..............
Answer: el - if - I - Know (its funnier hearing the joke than reading the answer).

What do you call it when cannon balls eat other cannon balls?

Answer: Cannonballism

ok i have 2 really dumb jokes here it goes:

if u were on a deserted island what would u eat? well i would probably eat "desert"!!!!!!

the second one is funnier:

There is a couple who had a huge fight and the guy said that the day he dies he will dig himself out of the grave from the dead and haunt her. well the next day he died. after the funeral,the girl was walking in her house and the neighbor said " i would move out of that house if i were you" and the girl was confused so she sai " why?" and the neighbor said " because your husband said he was going to dig himself out of the grave and haunt you." and the girl said " well you better wish him luck digging because i buried him upside down!!!!!"

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the Fresh Prince! (fresh prints)

What do you call a 4-door Yugo?
*A We-go

two dyslexic guys walk into a bra

What do you call somthing thats blue and looks like a bucket?

a blue bucket

What do you call something thats red and looks like a bucket?
(most people will say red bucket)
A BLUE BUCKET IN DISQUISE!

Why are pirates called pirates?
B/c they arrrrgggghhhh!

Why couldnt the little boy get into the pirate movie? B/c it was rated arrrrgggghhh!

lol i read the whole thing and most of these jokes r hilarious
...<what is green and has wheels?
grass i lied bout the wheels!>...lolz

what do you call a fish with no eyes.
fsh

Three explorers were discovering new lands. They meet a tribe of cannibals. "alright, here's the deal new guys. You're going to die, one way or another we're going to kill you, eat your insides, and use your skin for our canoes. But you can choose how you die. So, what will it be?" The first explorer thought for a minute and said "I'll take a gun." So the cannibals gave him a gun and he shot himself. The Second explorer said, "I'm not that dramatic, give me some poison." And in moments he was also dead. The third explorer thinks just a bit longer and after deciding announces "I'll take a fork" the cannibals look at each other and are confused but decide to comply. The explorer takes the fork and begins to stab himself all over. After losing quite a bit of blood he uttered his final words, "HA! So much for your Canoe!"

okay so mary had a little lamb... and then the doctor fainted!

A football player decides to take his new blonde girlfriend to him game. Afterwards the footballer asks her how she liked it. She said it was great exept I don't get at the beginning they flipped a coin to see who goes first then the whole game they yell get the quarterback, get the quarterback. I mean gosh its just a quarter.

what is the difference between a pizza and a mathematician?

a pizza can feed a family of four!

Why can't blondes make icecubes. They lost he recipe. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses into her class. Her students were to bright. What do astronaughts eat for dinner. Launch meat

Did you hear the one about the blind man that tripped over a hammer and saw?

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A: A gummy bear!

Where does the General keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!!

What do you get when you cross a frog and a soda?
Croak-a-Cola!!

How do you get pikachu on a bus? you pokemon

One time Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun.......and one!

A lion and a giraffe walk into a bar. They belly and and start doing shot after shot. They get just wasted. The giraffe passed out on the floor.....the lion can barley keep from falling off his bar stool. So the lion decides it's time to go home. The bartender looks at him and says, "hey you can't leave that lyin there." And the lion says, "Thats not a lion it's a giraffe!"

Why did the strawberry cry? Cuz his mom was in a jam.

Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didnt want to wake the sleeping pills :)

omg these are all hilarious, now its my turn :D

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
where's my tractor?


What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree?
Get down!


Two peanuts are walking down an alley way..one was a salted!


What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the got in the batmobile?
Robin, get in the batmobile.

three nuns are driving thru mountainous Costa Rica, all of a sudden their VW falls off a steep mountain, They all die and meet at the pearly gates, St. Peter approaches and says, you have all led outstanding lives, but you must answer 1 question before you're allowed in. He calls the first nun," ok sister,who was the 1st man God created? "Oh'" she says, That's easy, That's Adam."Alright," he replies, "you're in," Then the next one,"Please tell me, who was the 1st woman that God created," Oh, that's so easy" she says,"of course that's Eve" and he says"you're in!" The last nun approached, "okay sis, your question is what was the 1st thing that the 1st woman said to the 1st man?" The sis looks kinda worried and says"Oh,That's a real hard one" Ane St. Peter says "You're in!!"

Okay, what's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover? with the Hoover the dirtbag's on the inside of the machine

One time in math class the teacher noticed that little jhonny wasnt paying attention. so she asked him "What is 2 4 22 and44?" jhonny awnsered ABC NBC HBO and cartoon network.

The reason there is five days between the weekend is so that the weekend can get a rest from Chuck Norris.

A man and his wife walk into his shrinks office the wife says "Doc, my husband is so confused, first he thinks he's a wigwam then he thinks hes a teepee"

The doc says, " his problem is he is too tents (tense)"